Our Unseen Angels

Writer:Keilah Okumu

While we often receive support and encouragement from our parents, how often do we reciprocate? In honour of Mental Health Awareness Month, Rights and Minds aims to shine a spotlight on a group often overlooked in conversations about Mental Health Awareness, our parents. Despite battling depression, anxiety, and distress, they often wear a brave facade to shield those around them.

"You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human." - Lori Deschene

A quote at times quoted by parents in an attempt to comfort us, but when was the last time we offered similar support to our parents?

As you read this, R&M looks at ways to initiate meaningful conversations about parents mental health and understand the issues that contribute to the poor mental health of parents, who have long carried the burdens silently.

In this article, we'll focus on three main points; Trauma and Past Experiences, Financial Stress, and Work-Life Balance.

If teenagers today grapple with various mental health challenges at home, it's probable that parents faced similar struggles in their youth. However, the understanding and acknowledgment of mental health issues differed significantly. While mental health awareness is more prevalent today, it was often neglected in the past. In previous generations, there was limited information about mental health, leading to ineffective treatment methods. Many viewed mental illness as a result of demonic possession or witchcraft contributing to the stigmatisation and mistreatment of those suffering from mental health conditions.

"The past can tick away inside us for decades like a silent time bomb, until it sets off a cellular message that lets us know that the body does not forget the past." - Donna Jackson Nakazawa, Childhood Disrupted.

Echoes From Childhood

Have you ever wondered how one or more incidents in childhood can shape an adult's life? The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study reveals the hidden scars many carry from early abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (e.g., parental substance abuse, domestic violence).

Imagine an adult who grew up in a violent home. As a child, they witnessed their mother being abused and had to care for their siblings from an early age. How does a child cope with such heavy burdens? These painful experiences often lead to lifelong struggles with anxiety and depression.

This is why we call it ‘Echoes From Childhood.’

These incidents can continue to affect an adult's relationships and career, casting a long shadow over their life.

The ACE study found that 61% of adults experienced at least one ACE before turning 18, and 16% faced four or more. [1] Those with four or more ACEs are at a much higher risk of severe mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance abuse.

The solution to breaking this cycle is early intervention, which can significantly improve lives. Yet, many adults and parents remain untreated, perpetuating the cycle of trauma.

Can we break this cycle? How many more must suffer before we take action?

It's up to us [You] to make a difference now, to ensure a better future for both today's children and tomorrow's adult.

What If Money Were Made Of Trees?

"What if money were made of trees?" This question sparks a vision of a world where financial worries flutter away like leaves on a breeze. Although what I just stated was purely hypothetical, the reality is that many parents are burdened with stress and anxiety surrounding financial difficulties.

In a world where basic necessities like food are increasingly difficult to afford, it begs the question: why are parents forced to provide their children with insufficient meals? Why are mothers and fathers expected to work tirelessly for wages that barely cover the cost of rent? And why has access to processed foods become more convenient than access to healthy options?

Many struggle to secure suitable housing for their families, as rent prices often exceed the amount they earn from their jobs. This disparity between income and living expenses highlights systemic issues that need addressing to ensure families can afford basic necessities and live healthy, dignified lives.

Financial stress weighs heavily on numerous parents. As of April 2023, a staggering 73% struggle to meet current expenses. These statistics underscore the overwhelming financial pressures faced by a significant portion of the global parent population.

Balancing expenses such as utilities, tuition fees, and groceries proves daunting for most, particularly single-parent households.

"We expect women to work like they don’t have children, and raise children as if they don’t work." - Amy Westervelt

Can They Truly Have It All?

The concept of "doing it all" is a toxic mindset set by society to a lot of parents. Consider the expectations: securing employment to provide for their families, nurturing social connections, maintaining fulfilling relationships with their children, managing household chores, assisting with schoolwork, and the list goes on.

Nobody, not me nor you as a reader can truly understand how much it is to maintain all this, especially for single or immigrant parents navigating a foreign land alone, devoid of any support.

In this cycle, achieving true work life balance feels difficult to achieve.

It's time to reassess societal norms, where parents can thrive without sacrificing their well being.

Notes:

Together, we can celebrate this year's Mental Health Awareness Day by knowing we acknowledge and honoured a group often overlooked; our parents.

OUR solution

We recommend helping out around the house with tasks like laundry or cleaning; it can make a tremendous difference. Maybe that small act of assistance just prevented your parents' breakdown.

As a society we should lower the unrealistic standards we have towards our parents. Let’s stop expecting them to have everything under control and to be able to do everything.

When dealing with our parents, we must approach them with care and understanding; they're humans, just like us.

We can start off by being more patient and understanding of our parents.

Let's not forget that our parents are navigating parenting for the first time, sacrificing a lot for their children and loved ones.