Tears That Deserve to Be Accepted - Unrecognized Grief

Writer: Gustavo Castillo

Grief is often thought of as the sadness we feel when we lose someone close to us. But what about the grief that goes unnoticed? Many people experience unacknowledged grief—a term introduced by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka in 1989.

Read more to find out about this unacknowledged grief.

Photo by Şahin Sezer Dinçer on Unplash

Unrecognized grief, or "invisible grief," refers to the pain we feel from losses that society doesn’t recognize as worthy of mourning. These hidden losses can leave people feeling alone and misunderstood.

Here are some examples of unacknowledged grief:

• The death of a beloved pet: Pets are part of the family for many, yet society often overlooks this loss, leaving grieving pet owners to handle their sorrow alone.

• Loss of a job: Losing a job can feel like losing a part of yourself. But this loss is often dismissed, making individuals feel ashamed or inadequate.

• Receiving a low grade: For students, a bad grade can feel devastating. Yet, these feelings are often brushed aside, leading students to hide their disappointment.

• Experiencing an abortion: This deeply personal loss can be very painful, but societal norms often make it hard for people to talk about it.

For many, these losses may seem 'simple,' but for others, carrying this heavy sadness while the world expects them to simply move on can be incredibly difficult.

Unrecognized grief is often met with indifference. When individuals try to share their pain, they may hear comments like, “That’s why you’re sad,” which can make them feel even more isolated. This pressure to hide their grief can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, making it harder to cope and increasing the risk of depression and anxiety.

So, how can we change this? We need to talk about these issues in our families, schools, and communities. By challenging stereotypes and bringing unrecognized grief into the open, we can reduce the stigma around it. Recognizing all types of grief is not just kind; it can also lead to better mental health by creating supportive environments and reducing feelings of loneliness.

Writers suggestion:

 Every tear shed, no matter the reason, deserves to be seen and accepted.